


Part of Me

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-24
Updated: 2012-11-24
Packaged: 2017-11-19 10:24:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/572254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a known fact that Howard Stark was obsessed with Steve Rogers. It was not a known fact that, after the crash, he started writing letters to him, liberating his true disposition and pouring out all his feelings towards him onto ink and paper.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Part of Me

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first attempt of a story here on Ao3. It's somewhat rushed, I admit, but it's not horrible. D: At least, I don't think it is. This is also me trying to write in first person. I have no idea what I was doing, but it works.
> 
> Feedback would be great.

It's been seven months since the crash.

Sometimes I wake during ungodly hours of the night, tears that come out in rivulets staining my cheeks, sobs racking through my trembling body and straining my breathing that comes out in short, desperate rasps. Part of me wants to hate you— all of you. Part of me still yearns for the attention you gave to me like an unhealthy obsession, words whispered against my skin in the darkness as we affirmed to silent promises for a game so dangerous we couldn't have possibly knew the outcome of.

Part of me craves for the forever you told me of.

Do you remember that night? That night we kissed countless times under the infinite sky, our skin flushed pink from the shivering cold as we pressed against each other, your arms wrapping around my frame and sheltering me from the world. Our breath mingled together as we gave each other everything, and you told me, so perfectly, that you loved me.

In that moment, nothing else mattered as our attention was focused only on each other. We knew the consequences should we have been caught, yet we continued on, deeming nobody else important enough to get us to part from each other.

That night, under the light of the shining stars, you stole my heart.

But still I refused to acknowledge my affection for you. We continued on with our hazardous gamble, flitting around each other like cat and mouse. And somehow, somewhere along the line, I fell in love with you even more.

Then, in the span of mere minutes— everything just came crashing down.

And I blame myself for it.

Because part of me may want to hate you, and part of me may want to love you. But part of me—a majority of me—hates myself for realizing too late. No matter how much I try to forget, I can't let you go. I can never forget the way your eyes brightened under the lights as you smiled at me, making my heart stop for a moment in time before pounding twice as erratically as before. I can never forget the way you whispered my name so perfectly in the darkness, smooth and flawless, as if it were meant to escape your parted lips. I can never forget the way you rained kisses upon my flushed skin, quieting me, comforting me, as if all that existed in your world was me.

I can never forget you, because forgetting would mean giving up.

And giving up would mean letting go.

The thought scares me. It scares me in the way children fear darkness. It frightens me in the way that adults fear death. The only difference is that there no longer stands an anchor to console me. The times of quaint perfection are gone, leaving me with a sour taste on my tongue and making me feel incomplete without you. But now I finally know what goodbye is.

Goodbye is the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, the pounding throb in your head, the tight clenching in your chest that, when combined, leaves a shiver down your spine and makes you feel nauseous right down to your bones. Goodbye means bye for good. It is the bitter feeling, the idle resentment, that you get when somebody you love, whether you realize it or not, is gone forever.

But even thought I finally know what goodbye is— 

I really wish I didn't.

Because that would mean still having you here with me.

Forever.


End file.
